1. Made pretzels and went to the beach today.

     
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  4. image: Download

     
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  6. I’m doing very well. Vacation life has been good to me.

    It’s nice to fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. It’s nice to wake up so comfortable in my bed. So happy to face the new day with its adventures.

    I do worry though. I worry about not being polite enough or talking too much or being unhelpful. I don’t wish to be annoying. I hope her family doesn’t mind me. —-

    I still think about my fling. What it’s like to fall asleep being held. He texted me the other day. Not over ?

     
  7. 02:05

    Notes: 1

    Hawaii so far

     
  8. I think I have a uti. And my back really hurts.
    I was hoping it might clear itself up but I’m not sure.

     
  9. This short week that I’ve been home

    Has been crazy. The image of a chicken running around with its head off comes to mind.

     
  10. 01:38 7th Jul 2014

    Notes: 1

    My family called me and they distress me so much. So many voices. So much crude humour- offensive humour. I don’t know how in less than 20 minutes over the phone they can make me feel so hostile and stupid.

     
  11. 10:46 6th Jul 2014

    Notes: 1

    I don’t want to leave but I do

     
  12. 17:08 5th Jul 2014

    Notes: 1

    I need to stop. I need to slow down. I don’t think I’m ready for the emotional consequences of my actions. I know my actions are consequences of my emotions. I’m searching for something to stop this numbness, this restlessness. I know it’s unhealthy.
    I suppose I’m equating this to excitement. I’m equating sexual things to the happiness I felt when I first discovered it a few short weeks ago. It wasn’t that, and it wasn’t him. It just was.
    I’m just upset it’s come back. I’m scared to leave. I’m scared of my future. I’m scared of who I’m turning into and as a result I’m making it worse.

     
  13. Who am I trying to hurt?

    What am I trying to do? Why am I doing this?

    The hurricane outside mocks me.

     
  14. image: Download

     
  15. I woke up at 5:30 am tremendously sad and unsatisfied. Unsatisfied with my sleep patterns that make me a restless sleeper and tired all day long. Unsatisfied with my libido. Unsatisfied with the sadness I’ve been feeling in my life hanging over me these past 5 days. 

    My throat still hurts from whatever that flu was a couple of weeks ago. But it’s only in the morning and evening. I worry. 

    I hate taking medication. I want to blame my unhappiness on it, but the truth is it’s most likely helped. I hate the side effects and I hate them more when I feel its done nothing. 

    I walk around my house in a sports bra and underwear. The soft rising sun coats my body in a flattering light as I gaze into the mirror in the living room. I’ve shrunk so much. Why can’t I eat?