1. image: Download

     
  2. image: Download

     
  3. 06:15

    Notes: 1

    Dawn

    I can feel the grating dry taste of liquor coating my tongue. It runs down my throat in a similar manner to a cold, hugging the red channel every time I swallow. I can feel the lethargy in my viens, tiny molecules of worn out alcohol swimming next to my blood cells. My mind over active in imagination.

    It’s the time before I wake up. The first time I rise the morning after. Early sun leaks in through my subpar blinds filling my room with an eerie blue light only rivalled by my phone screen as I type these fancies. My body is working through the last legs of the night. Drunkeness hasn’t yet slipped from me and the hangover hasn’t fully begun. I’m bound to fall back asleep and reawaken as a grumpy moth.

    Yet in these moments, as I hear my stomach churn, I crave a body close to me. An arm to wrap around my torso and hold my unburdened breasts or legs to rub up and down mine and hook around my feet. I want to be wanted. I want to feel held and secure. I’m aware of how selfish these thoughts at dawn are but fail to care.

     
  4. We had a homecoming party for my friends birthday / our house warming party.!

     
  5. We had our party. I’m inebriated but not as much as yesterday. I didn’t really feel like being completely smashed.

    Of all the the people I spoke to tonight - I spoke the most to that boy I liked back in first year. Second year I hated him because he dated a good friend and broke up with her in a shitty manner, but now they’re good. So I talked with him for the first time in ages. He’s got a new girlfriend but it was nice just speaking as friends.

    I purposely avoided that boy I hooked up with this summer. I was terrified of him. I’ve heard he’s going steady with a girl now so I minded my space. He hugged me goodbye pretty tightly and I said he wanted to talk and catch up. It felt sincere.

    I really want a boyfriend or girlfriend this year. This is the year I get one. I feel it… Right ?

    Sigh. This party was so strange. Just my favourite shitty music- me in a super low dress and a shit ton of couples around me. I mean it was nice but couples when you’re a horny fuck as sooo awful to see.

     
  6. I’m drunk. And all i really realised tonight is….I neeeeeed to hook up tomorrow night. 

    But it puts so much pressure on tomorrow. 

     
  7. stuff I’m waiting for

    In transit 

    - 4 pairs of underwear from UO (it was 4 for $16)

    - fortnight longline wireless bra and high waisted panties

    - Expensive vintage lace corset 

    - fake gauge personalized guinea pig earrings 

    Being made 

    - custom strap-ey lingerie set

    - matching crop top and high waisted underwear with donuts on them

    - custom jellyfish lingerie set 

    ALSO

    - I need to order a corset for my room mate to pay her back 

     
  8. angst. ignore.

    Thoughts.

    - I’m so irritable lately probably hormones. Everything pisses me off. 

    - I feel like I’m missing something. Don’t know if it’s because I’m not in school or it’s because I’m only living with 2 people or what exactly…but adjustment to this phase of life is odd.

    - I’m scared of the party we’re having tomorrow. As much as I HATE to admit it I’m nervous about that guy being there. He’s just much better friends with my friends than with me. Also I really just want to hook up with someone and he’s the only person I know how to with (euuugh wording) so I think I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen but I know it won’t. 

    - Other news I have a serious spending problem. I don’t know why I can’t seem to control myself at all. Maybe all these emotions are b.c. I haven’t refilled my prescription. (which part of me doesn’t want to b.c. it fucks up my ability to orgasm…rolls eyes at my own stupidity.)

     
  9. image: Download

     
  10. 00:08 8th Sep 2014

    Notes: 1

    I’m feeling rather gay this month. 

    That said, I really just want to kiss somebody soon. 

     
  11. my room mates are loud

     
  12. I just want touch so badly lately.

     
  13. It seems as if since I’ve been back any tension between us has dissolved. I feel wanting towards you but I receive none back. 

    I kissed you the other day. My head lying on your shoulder, our lips close, alcohol eating away at my memory. I’d dreamed all summer of sensations like such. My sober mind clutching at the wispy fragment. 

    My body aching for some contact. 

    It’s not you. Our relationship was never based on attraction for me, just convenience and security. There was something about you that made me feel comfortable with exploring my sensuality. Now it’s opened up and I’m left confident and wanting.

    All the wanting. The flirting. The eyeing. I want to be wanted. 

     
  14. 18:53

    Notes: 1

    image: Download

    Just a Typical Wednesday Night

    Just a Typical Wednesday Night

     
  15. I think have a shopping addiction